Abramelin, day 149

Morning rite went well.

Due to life circumstances, noon was a prayer rite in the car but done nonetheless.

I have realized that I am on autopilot. I have truly been reset to the way I was prior to what I refer to as The Incident, before 2007, and I don’t know how to properly integrate it with everything that’s happened since. I babble in social settings, at work, I can’t shut the fuck up. Am I overcompensating? Am I donning the “this is my public space, I swear I haven’t checked out due to Abramelin”? I don’t know. It’s almost like I’m manic.

Attended a ritual in honor of Diana, received a most intriguing oracle, could not come back to earth or ground after that ritual. It was intense, very intense.

Evening rite went well. I have a lot to chew on about what happened during that rite and other things, crashed for about 8-9 hours of sleep that night.

Abramelin, day 131

Morning rite went well, and I was entirely too glad to do it. I have some water I’ve blessed in honor of Apollo sitting on his altar in there, and it comes in handy, it really does. More really screwed up dreams, really screwed up. Purification is a must. It has to be a constant at this point. Purification and potentially banishing.

Noon prayer rite went well, and my walk after did me good. I must remember to put my energies where they will best help me and others versus giving it to leeches, psychic vampires, parasites, and the unbalanced. I also must remember that I’m on a quest not to shut the world out but to let it in, because it’s the only way I’m going to achieve true manifestation.

More family drama, some of it spilling over me but I’m still in the calm of the storm.

I am learning that obstacles and the downers are reminders; even they can push you forward and remind you of what you’re up against and why. It’s beyond freeing to realize this. I keep on going.

Evening rite went well.

 

Abramelin, day 126

Morning rite went well, was up at dawn yet again. I am not getting enough sleep by far, and it needs to stop before my immune system goes to shit. My body has a way of shutting itself down when it’s being put through too much.

Noon prayer rite went well. Afterward I went outside for a walk and dealt with my purification needs/troubles. Some reminders of why I am doing this rite were nice–not that I needed them, but it emphasizes and highlights certain things.

I get that I need to be well rounded and be in the world, “wax on wax off”, and learning to crawl before I can fly. I’ve been through a lot, gained a lot, throughout this experience. But I am painfully aware that I have a LONG way to go and I can’t see myself obtaining K&C in two months’ time. I’m sure a lot can happen in 2 months, but I am at this stage both skeptical and pessimistic.

Evening rite went…okay, but there was a fair amount of ranting. I am frustrated. I am not ungrateful to be where I’m at, but I am painfully aware of how much further I have to go, and it’s quite a long way.

 

Abramelin, day 76

Morning rite went well.

Lots of calls today with recruiters, phone screening tomorrow and Friday, next Tuesday I go to Career Source for the mandatory unemployment benefits seminar thing where they get to tell me how to job hunt. I could run that seminar at this point, unfortunately.

Realizing how ridiculously tense I am. Not physically, but mentally. It’s definitely impacting the work. I need to be able to relax, but apparently that’s not a natural state for me these days. I will have to continually remind myself so that it becomes such again. I mention this because I have realized today that it’s almost like I’m clenching a fist, and in doing so I’m blocking out a LOT of input coming in psychically. In a “natural” state, the input is far more than I normally get. It’s like psychic exercising, or something. I think whatever I’m doing with the Abramelin is obviously pumping up the volume but I’ve been too tense to actually just let it in and do its thing in regards to my psychic abilities and awareness.

Which. Explains. Everything.

I will need to be mindful and monitor this as often as I can, and just get used to being in a more relaxed state, and stop shutting everything out. Simply put…I need to let go.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 72

I may be in this for the 18 month experience and if that’s the case, that’s okay. How will I know if I’m done baking, anyhow? I guess I’ll play it by ear.

Morning rite went well, up at dawn. Did some reading of my notes and realized that I’m supposed to be spending one day a week fasting. Oops, I thought that was only phase three. I am so physically active that the idea of not eating for a whole day goes against everything I know about health and fitness. Given how many events take place on weekends for my coven, I think I’ll choose a random day each week and see how that goes, and just drink water and juices.

My parents were not successful in their house hunt and want to come up again in a few weeks. I enjoy seeing them to an extent but it feels like my personal space is being invaded. I need my downtime. I do see however why it was necessary: my mom badly needed the timeout from all of the crazy she’s been bombarded with.

I officially got back into some of my Buddhist practices last night. They are purification themed, which frankly is fab. The more of it, the merrier.

I’ve been thinking an awful lot today about my goals as a magician, a witch, a priestess, etc–basically on the whole as my spiritual path, ultimately what is my True Will. I always had some vague idea, but it finally coalesced in 2007. It is grand, it is crazy, and it is beautiful…and it’s ultimately why I’m doing this working.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 47

Morning rite went well. I’ve had some much needed clarity, and it’s given me hope.

I took some more Reiki attunements today, one of which gave me the much needed insight for phase two: how to “pump up the volume” on the prayers, purification, and that “two hour reading” equivalent thereof, since my faith doesn’t really have much in the way of holy texts. Once upon a time, I received the Vajrasattva and Green Tara empowerments (yes, I took refuge and Bodhisatva vows, got my Dharma name, etc). I was good about doing them until I had a lot of personal struggles and issues, then never felt good about getting back into the practice–I don’t know why. That’s shit I’ll have to start digging into, meditate on, find out what happened there, what my blocks were. I think I’ll start doing them again.

I encountered Green Tara even before Apollo. This is old business. :)

The Reiki is good stuff. I need to make more of this part of my routine. If I wink out of this plane of existence, it might be more than just the Abramelin.

Evening rite went okay, aside from my once again forgetting a few things. I am learning that this rite is about fucking up and how you handle it. Or more accurately, trying to cultivate mindfulness and end habits which have outlived their usefulness. At least this much I can currently say about phase one of the operation.

Abramelin, day 8

Morning rite done well…albeit yes, some whining about the job sitch. Ugh.

I must say though, something I have observed: I seem to be pushed more often into social situations versus getting the opportunity to spend time solo. I have given this some thought, and I think it’s because I’ve been pretty hermit’d for a while now…especially for me. Beyond online interaction, I don’t do anywhere near the amount of socializing I typically do–and haven’t in quite some time. For an extrovert, it’s weird to suddenly go introvert, although I’m a fairly balanced, middle of the road extrovert with a good deal of introvert qualities. The social interactions are random, and kind of reassuring…for a lack of a better term. I think maybe I needed it a bit? I think maybe I got too comfortable being by myself all the time.

Also been thinking about the whole work situation. It’s funny; I remember in the past when I was in a really, really horrible situation and being taken advantage of right, left, and center…and I just stuck it out. Nowadays I’d be all “fuck that noise” and would be in touch with my recruiters and would drop those idiots like a hot potato. I put up with WAY less crap than I used to, one chunk of it is due to increased sense of self respect and the other is due to a decreased tolerance to stress for No Good Reason. You can only stick around and martyr yourself for an unfixable situation where you’re basically positioned to take the fail for someone else’s ineptitude so many times before you realize it’s just not a good idea. At all.

Still getting a lot of interesting questions about my doing the Abramelin! I’m at the point now where I may as well make up a FAQ on my background or something, lol.

Evening rite went well. This evening was…odd. Prior to the rite, I mean. I did get some interesting insights into cleaning up blockages on a spiritual and magical level leading to the whole cleaning of the vessel, capacity to affect change in the physical world, rend the veil, etc. Interesting stuff, need to meditate some more on it.

 

Abramelin, day 2

What I am most thankful for is that the earlier sunrise gets, the more likely I can just go back to bed and go to sleep. I know that I will not be able to make every sunset and my best bet will be to be mindful of when it happens and offer up a silent prayer, and do the full rite before I head to bed that evening.

I’ve noticed that things tend to fly out of my mouth during the prayer and I have no idea where they come from. Certain formalities and phrases, some of them reminding me a bit of my Golden Dawn years. I also had two insights this morning, nothing I haven’t reflected on before but things which are becoming more into focus, so to speak.

One of them is the idea that quite frankly, I am a very stubborn soul with a lot of Fire. In short, I am very willful. But my best acts of magic have been when I do what I refer to as “riding the Tao”, the perfect balance between being active and passive. It’s essentially being “actively receptive”. It sounds like a contradiction but it’s very Zen. It’s a Willing to let go.

The other is having every act, thought, and emotion as I do this ritual be somehow geared towards the working itself. Nothing is a “distraction”. From going to work to my fitness regime, everything I do becomes dedicated to the rite.

The night before day 1, I had a dream that I was being recruited to join the military. All I could think to myself was, “Well…um…I like to be in shape….” I can’t relate to the idea of drills and extreme patriotism but hey, I like being in shape. Interesting that I never once thought of the possibility of going to war, killing or being killed. Weird.

I wonder if I’m the only Greek polytheist who has ever done or is doing the Abramelin. The few accounts I’ve read were people who were either very Christian or very Jewish, and I am decidedly neither. While I have found that my prayers have taken on a Neoplatonic vibe, they have been mostly directed at my patron deities: Apollo, Dionysos, and Hermes. And of course, Zeus.

My stomach continues to be super sensitive. I am wondering if it preferred doing the juice/cleansing thing but I can’t keep that up for six months. I am hoping this is temporary. Yesterday I had Indian food for dinner, it was very good but could not finish it. Afterward had chocolate brownie ice cream with hot fudge, Newman Os, and chocolate sprinkles for dessert from FoMu. One of the things that has amused me about the Abramelin is the need to abtain from animal flesh; being vegan already means no change of diet from me. But I am feeling the need to adjust my diet and eat more healthy. I think last night will be a rare thing for me in the future. If my stomach issues continue I may consider going mostly raw vegan. Lunch today was red quinoa/brown rice veggie sushi. My body didn’t like that. I tried other forms of food, no luck. Drinking kombucha and this tropical cleanser (pineapple, cucumber, turmeric, ginger, lime) helped immensely. Tomorrow I do the juicing and smoothie thing again and will attempt solid food again on Monday.

For the evening ritual I asked to be given more clear and direct signs on whether or not it is appropriate to change my diet during the operation and what to in lieu of being sick and in pain. What can I say, I’m direct and to the point.

Maintaining motivation and using your unconscious mind as an aid

Maintaining motivation is crucial, whether it’s motivation to work on your financials, improve your love life, work on your fitness goals, you name it. You especially see this in the fitness world, and people complain regularly that some days they just don’t feel motivated.

“Motivation is awesome,” you might say, “but it doesn’t last.”

Well, neither does bathing…that’s why we recommend it daily. ;)

Yes, you will have your good days and your bad. Yes, there will be times when it may seem that this process is taking forever, isn’t coming along as quickly as you would like, or seems like nothing is happening just yet. Patience, grasshopper. Good things will come your way. Just keep your eye on the prize and savor every victory, no matter how big or small.

Maintaining that motivation is key to a few things:

  • Keeping your spirits up
  • Helping your unconscious mind to stay in gear and on target

Now, about that unconscious mind. I mentioned before that symbols, rituals, chanting and what-have-you in magick are important because they help that unconscious mind. There are various brainwaves we operate at, and all of those things help to put us into Alpha state. We are in Alpha state when we are reading, driving a car, daydreaming or otherwise “spacing out”, etc. It’s a normal state of consciousness, nothing too fancy about it. But it’s an awesome state to be in. When we’re in Alpha we are more receptive. We learn better and are more easily influenced. This is why it’s a great idea to listen to inspiring music and/or audio while driving or have some of that music playing while reading or engaged in certain activities. It helps to gear our minds towards positive thinking.

So much of personal development is reprogramming yourself to be the absolute best you whom you can possibly be. The more effective you can become, the more effective your magick will become. And at that point, you will be able to move mountains. :)

 

Need some additional help getting that motivation going? I’m here for you. Contact me anytime for a session or a free consultation.

Using magick as aid to personal development

After discussing how to clear blocks in the way of your personal development and magick, I’m now going to discuss how to use magick in order to help you with your personal growth and development.

At this point you might be yelling, “Now, wait a minute Scarlet! First you’re telling me I can’t do magick without personal development, and now you’re going to teach me how to use magick in order to help with my personal development, I’m confused! Isn’t that a Catch-22?”

Answer: no! Magick is like a muscle, it gets stronger with use. While what I’m going to teach you is very meta, it’ll help you to help clear the debris, so to speak, and get going. Just because you’re not capable of running a marathon now because you don’t have the proper training and conditioning doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be trying to give running a mile a shot! In fact, that’s EXACTLY what you should be doing! This is called “taking small steps to success”, and like with every small step, it has the potential to snowball.

So without further adieu, let’s go!

Let’s say you’ve gone through the previous exercises and you’ve determined that your biggest problem is that you just don’t believe in yourself. You’re too used to being broke, alone, without support–whatever condition you’re in right now that makes you unhappy. In fact, you’re SO used to it that it’s become a part of your programming. You’re broke because you EXPECT to be broke. You’re single and lacking a partner because you’re USED to it! You know of no other way to be.

I’m now going to give you the ingredients for a very simple meditation/spell. You can tailor it however you want in order to produce the effects you need in yourself.

  1. Find a picture which illustrates your goal. If you can find more than one, great! You can make a collage on posterboard, a private board for yourself on Pinterest, put it up as wallpaper on your computer or smartphone, hang it up by your desk–anywhere where you will see it daily. Make it something that makes you happy, inspires you, brings up all of those really fantastic emotions within you when you think about your goal.
  2. Write an affirmation that includes one of the key phrases in your third list, the one where you rewrote your negative thought into a positive one. Example: “Money comes to me easily and effortlessly and benefits me and everyone else around me,”
  3. Find a small physical object that reminds you of your goal. It could be a particular stone, symbol, or charm which pertains to whatever you want to work on. For money, it could be as simple as a coin, a fake million dollar bill, a green stone–anything. For love, rose quartz, a heart shaped charm, you name it. Whatever speaks to YOU and makes sense for YOU.
  4. Carry that object with you wherever you go, keep it in your purse, wallet, or pocket. Have it by your bed at night so it’s the first thing you see when you wake up and the last thing you see when you go to sleep.
  5. Every time you hold onto your object or look at the picture(s) you have chosen, recite your affirmation. It doesn’t have to be out loud, it could just be said inside your head.
  6. Optional: if music is the air you breathe, you may want to create a playlist which reminds you of your intent and makes you feel great about it. Keep it on your mp3 player, Spotify, or whatever and listen to it whenever you can. I have one that has songs like Steve McQueen by M83, Magic by Olivia Newton-John, We Come Running by Youngblood Hawke, anything which gets my spirits up and elevates my mood.

If you have a particular spiritual path, you can add whatever appropriate prayers that have meaning to you at the end of your affirmation. This could be a call to Jesus Christ, God, Zeus, Thor, Brighid, Aset, Tara, Ganesh, your spirit guide, your higher self, your HGA…doesn’t matter. Whatever you deeply believe in and calls to you in your heart is what’s appropriate here. If no such being for you exists, that’s okay too.

Do this every day or as often as you can.

A few things to note:

Emotion is power. You’ll see and hear of a lot of people talk about the Law of Attraction and focusing on positive thoughts. This doesn’t mean that you should either ignore or repress bad ones. Passion and powerful, positive emotions are what fuels magick. You have to FEEL it in order to work. And this is why often times the simplest spells are the most powerful ones and when repeated like this, are exercising and conditioning the most amazing tool you have in your arsenal: your unconscious mind.

Next post: How to maintain motivation and your unconscious mind. Stay tuned….

Got a particularly tough problem? Need help trying to figure out why your magick’s not working? I’m here for you. Contact me anytime for a session or a free consultation.