Abramelin, day 72

I may be in this for the 18 month experience and if that’s the case, that’s okay. How will I know if I’m done baking, anyhow? I guess I’ll play it by ear.

Morning rite went well, up at dawn. Did some reading of my notes and realized that I’m supposed to be spending one day a week fasting. Oops, I thought that was only phase three. I am so physically active that the idea of not eating for a whole day goes against everything I know about health and fitness. Given how many events take place on weekends for my coven, I think I’ll choose a random day each week and see how that goes, and just drink water and juices.

My parents were┬ánot successful in their house hunt and want to come up again in a few weeks. I enjoy seeing them to an extent but it feels like my personal space is being invaded. I need my downtime. I do see however why it was necessary: my mom badly needed the timeout from all of the crazy she’s been bombarded with.

I officially got back into some of my Buddhist practices last night. They are purification themed, which frankly is fab. The more of it, the merrier.

I’ve been thinking an awful lot today about my goals as a magician, a witch, a priestess, etc–basically on the whole as my spiritual path, ultimately what is my True Will. I always had some vague idea, but it finally coalesced in 2007. It is grand, it is crazy, and it is beautiful…and it’s ultimately why I’m doing this working.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 47

Morning rite went well. I’ve had some much needed clarity, and it’s given me hope.

I took some more Reiki attunements today, one of which gave me the much needed insight for phase two: how to “pump up the volume” on the prayers, purification, and that “two hour reading” equivalent thereof, since my faith doesn’t really have much in the way of holy texts. Once upon a time, I received the Vajrasattva and Green Tara empowerments (yes, I took refuge and Bodhisatva vows, got my Dharma name, etc). I was good about doing them until I had a lot of personal struggles and issues, then never felt good about getting back into the practice–I don’t know why. That’s shit I’ll have to start digging into, meditate on, find out what happened there, what my blocks were. I think I’ll start doing them again.

I encountered Green Tara even before Apollo. This is old business. :)

The Reiki is good stuff. I need to make more of this part of my routine. If I wink out of this plane of existence, it might be more than just the Abramelin.

Evening rite went okay, aside from my once again forgetting a few things. I am learning that this rite is about fucking up and how you handle it. Or more accurately, trying to cultivate mindfulness and end habits which have outlived their usefulness. At least this much I can currently say about phase one of the operation.