Abramelin, day 162

Had a number of vivid dreams last night, but one that stood out in my mind was about the goddess Diana. There was something in it being communicated about the relationship between her being associated with dancing and the bow, something about dance and the bow. It reminded me something of Tai Chi or some form of martial arts. Later I was given an image of three goddesses and were told they were all her, and that monotheists went to the extreme in interpreting this but that “hard” polytheists today don’t get it either. The nature is fluidity, and the goddess Diana is those three and is herself. I don’t know who the three were; the names escape me but it was a triad much in the way that the Moirai is a triad.

I thought I may have been been “tapped” before but this confirms it. Think I’ll need to spend more time with that particular goddess.

Morning rite went well.

Went from one errand to another to visiting my kitty and before I knew it, noon rite was VERY late. But it was done.

Late night visiting the kitty. I hope tomorrow really is the day she can come home.

The stress is getting to me, but I admit shit’s ramping up. I See shit more frequently, I’m way more open. I’m surprised it’s not scaring me more than it is.

Evening rite went well.

 

Abramelin, day 160

Morning rite went well.

My kitty is apparently doing MUCH better today. She’s now not only eating voluntarily but the doctors learned the hard way that she thinks she’s a puppy dog; she’ll eat everything you put in front of her. So they’re spacing it out and giving her small amounts, lol

Noon prayer rite went well.

I have my anxieties about my current job and in addition, when/how to take the week off I need to finish this operation. I still have no sense of when, just “soon”. But I need to give at least a month’s advance notice for something like a week.

A lot less stress now that I know my cat will be okay, but stomach still not happy with me. I do not recommend this weight loss “plan”. 0 out of 5 stars. And my other cat does NOT like being alone and wants more attention than usual, which is a LOT of attention. My poor baby. Both of my poor babies. :(

I am so tired. Thankful for the three day weekend. Wishing I had way less stress right now.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 158

Morning rite went well.

I will say however that I know why I woke up the previous night the way I did. I had to rush one of my kitties to the clinic, then to the animal hospital. She’s pretty sick, so far they’re saying diabetes and kidney disease. She’s only eight. :( She’s the sweetest teddy bear of a kitty. I’m a wreck. I worked from home, but not really.  I was gone from 11am-5pm for the whole thing. She’ll be in the hospital next 3-4 days.

Noon rite done once I got home.

I think about how this year would’ve gone had I not done the rite and have concluded it’s given me strength I would NOT have had. I don’t even want to contemplate where I’d be right now otherwise. The death of my friend and my cat’s illness and so much of everything else would’ve happened regardless.

I spent the evening watching tv with my other cat. They’re sisters and I don’t think they’ve been apart since they were born.

I don’t recall the last time I’ve prayed so much. Shittiest day I’ve had since I found out my friend died. I hope my kitty pulls through.

Past few days Peter Gabriel’s “Big Time” has been in my head. I don’t know why. I’m also a lot less certain that this operation will go on for as long as I thought it might have. If something freaky happens to my job or I get some sort of “directive” to take a week off in Oct/Nov, I won’t be surprised. I’ll put it like that.

In the meantime, praying like hell to Artemis/Diana for my cat.

Evening rite went…well, about as well as it can be.

 

Abramelin, day 149

Morning rite went well.

Due to life circumstances, noon was a prayer rite in the car but done nonetheless.

I have realized that I am on autopilot. I have truly been reset to the way I was prior to what I refer to as The Incident, before 2007, and I don’t know how to properly integrate it with everything that’s happened since. I babble in social settings, at work, I can’t shut the fuck up. Am I overcompensating? Am I donning the “this is my public space, I swear I haven’t checked out due to Abramelin”? I don’t know. It’s almost like I’m manic.

Attended a ritual in honor of Diana, received a most intriguing oracle, could not come back to earth or ground after that ritual. It was intense, very intense.

Evening rite went well. I have a lot to chew on about what happened during that rite and other things, crashed for about 8-9 hours of sleep that night.