Abramelin, day 12

Morning rite went well. I once again slept through the sunrise alarm and thanked my HGA for letting me sleep in.

At work this morning after I got in I found out that a good friend of mine whom I had met over a decade ago died in what I can only describe as a random and senseless tragedy for someone who had kicked ass, took names, and even beat the ever-living shit out of cancer twice. I let my boss know and he let me go work from home. I can’t really think straight nor can I stop crying. She was (gods I hate referring to her in the past tense) a fellow pagan , a fellow cat lover, and heavily into the local music scene and was an entrepreneur, smart, funny, and just a great person on the whole. Second to last time I saw her was at a party and we drank wine and talked about cats, physical fitness, and gods help me I can’t even remember the rest. We just had a good time chatting. Time after that was for a New Year’s Eve party. She put random small objects like the tv remote and a pair of sunglasses on top of the cat and took pictures, we were all giggling. Then we were traumatized by whatever performance came on after or before the ball dropped, I don’t remember. Something to do with Miley Cyrus I think.

We’re both busy as fuck with our lives and careers and didn’t get to hang out often, but I was constantly posting crazy cat lady jokes and pics on her well because hey, that’s how we both rolled. I met her at a goth meetup that no longer exists, ages and ages ago when I was trying to meet and make new friends in the area. She was going to do an interview for me and my author stuff but work got in the way, life got in the way, everything got in the way.

It doesn’t make any sense. I sound like every cliche in the book but she was supposed to grow up to become one of those cool, crazy old cat ladies and only die of ridiculous old age due to excessive punk rock, surrounded by cats and music.

We’re all grasping at pieces of eternity and I wish I had greater certainty of absolutely anything in this world. The people of this world and those who enter into our lives are an important part of them; people who go at lengths to deny this are terribly, terribly wrong. Reality is defined by us and those around us and without it, it would not exist. And if any of us figures out this crazy, fucked up merry go round roller coaster we’re on beyond what is visible then we have the absolute right as thinking, feeling beings to disseminate that amongst the rest of us and/or at the very least inspire others to do similarly.

I don’t know what to say about the evening rite other than I did it and it’s probably the longest one I’ve done so far.

Cleanse and purge.

Comments

  1. Love this. I hope the gifts she left you with help heal the pain of her loss.

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